Paul’s mom is 78. She lives with his sister. They have had a strong relationship but things turned sour recently when mom told Paul that his sister’s husband had been verbally abusive towards her and had used some physical intimidation to boot.
Since when Paul’s sister had become cold. She bought tea in during mornings but would only say tea. An hello had been taken off the agenda. She would come in and watch coronation street but she would not talk. They had stopped going out together and to know of anything that was going on in the house was a miracle. Further the sister had stopped taking any interest in her mom’s health whatsoever and whilst it was never a bone of contention and had always been seen as being about making a contribution Paul’s sister had obviously taken or made money from his mom and was continuing to do so.
Paul was very concerned about these developments and wondered if abuse was going on and if he should be reporting it. He didn’t really care for his sister. He considered her to be mean and miserable anyway but something was holding him back and he didn’t want hispersonal opinions to colour anything he may or may not do.
Paul talked about this with people that he knew. Abuse was a violation of a human right. Which human right was being violated here. The right to a family life? The right to be respected as a person? Rights felt really tenuous here.
Whilst his mother was clearly older than she had been in terms of health and appearance due to the stress she felt she was under and whilst she did have health problems it was not clear if she would present as a vulnerable adult. She may have been in need of love from her daughter but she certainly wasn’t in need of care services. She was over 18 though so at least she would qualify on that criteria.
Was she at risk of serious harm. Well she had been living with this trauma for more than 12 months anyway and whilst it was clearly causing some psychological damage was it significant harm? Was it abuse? Would it qualify under the neglect or act of omission criteria? Whatever you called it, it was a worry, especially as Paul had the impression that things were escalating and the sister was finding it easier to make accusations and call names and stuff. So, it was a worry but was it significant. What does significant mean in local authority policies?
One thing that wasn’t in doubt was his mom’s capacity to make decisions for herself. Yeah. Ok. She’s having a hard time but she really is strong and independent.
Another thing that was beyond doubt was Paul’s mom didn’t want him to challenge his sister or to cause trouble for her. She loved her daughter and wouldn’t want to cause troubles for her even now. So there would be no consent to Paul doing anything and even if he did his mother was unlikely to back him up.
Paul knew that he should be recording his concerns and he asked me to do this for him on this blog. he wished he had someone to report it and he wished that he could remember the other r he had heard about on the safeguarding vulnerable adults course.
One thing that strikes me is this abuse is really close to home and could happen to any of us at some point in our lives. Are we likely to be any more protected? And bearing that in mind what would your advice to Paul be?
