The Day I Met yesduP

I woke down with an end this morning which is as startling as waking up with a start but much more relevant as you will see. Wondering about the cause of my condition I suddenly caught sight of a strange creature rummaging in in the old grey recess.

“Creature? Please don’t think of me as a creature. I’m tired of being treated like an animal. I want so much more than that.”

“I’m very sorry. You caught me by surprise. Pray, I might know who your are?”

raeB yesduP introduced himself and his strange name.

“Well Raeb…..”

“Please call me yesduP. There are many raeBs. Its like a descriptive title for my kind”.

I’ve never met a raeB before. If I knew they existed at all I would have thought them extinct.

YesduP continued; “We are small in number here. But we are growing, thriving. There were 389 of us at the last count.  There are much more than us in the place I live. Yet gladly it seems the more we grow in this universe the smaller the number of Pudsey’s on my planet”.

“Aha!! Pudsey. I thought I knew you”.

“I am not Pudsey. I am yesduP. An inversion or a reflection of that dull being”.

“Sounds like you don’t like him much”

“I do. I like him very much. He is a iconic figure here. He thrives. He grows. he has adapted to this environment very well. Though I do worry about his obese condition and some of the so called friends he’s made.”

“So you can celebrate Pudsey here but, and correct me if i’m wrong, you’d like to put a block on his activities, birth more yesduPs here and see the eventual decline of Pudsey’s on your own planet”.

“Well…. yes. Kind of but trust me its not personal. Its more a complaint about his parasitical approach to life. The bigger he gets the more we lose things of importance. So, in some respects whilst I admire his achievements here you could say I’m anti Pudsey and pro raeBs. Plus if you look at it properly the things he encourages are dangerous”.


“Come on. You can’t tell me that sitting half naked in a bath of beans in the middle of November is a good idea”.

“It seems to be”.

“You would think that. Your uncles used to dress as aunties at parties”.

“I have to say I was always perplexed by that and its true I wouldn’t ever pay them for doing it”.

“So why do it?”.

“They say its in the name of charity”.

“Ah! Yes!! Charity!!! We don’t have that where I come from”

“You don’t have charity?”

“No. We have this thing called rights”.


“Yes! Rights!! They’re great. It means we raeBs can get along together, live as equals. No raeB ever put another raeB down. Hate is unknown on my planet. Its easy to meet. Travel is no problem. When we get to where we’re going we can get into each others houses and clubs and places of work. I put it down to the fact that we are all very clever because we all got educated properly. But I don’t want to sound smug and say our way of life is better than yours but I can tell you this; we are independent, assertive. We speak carefully and with respect for each other to the point that no one goes unheard, no raeB becomes a victim of another raeB and of cause because charity does not exist in raeBland no one gets fat on the life of another raeB, deigns to speak for another raeb whilst building separative organisations. All these things seem to be such a fag here. You should try it”.

“Sounds good to me. I think I’ll promote your ideas here and see where it takes my race. You look like you’re in a hurry to get off and take part in some kind of action. Can I just say its been great meeting you Raeb”

“Thank you very much. I’ll be around next time you think of us and if there are any questions you would like to ask or any comments you would like to make please do. I like to think I will get around to responding to what you say here.


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